Much more often it is the talk of the Source to me that gives me the courage to lead meditations.

So today I successfully lead a meditation with Eric and Virginia. Oddly in some ways I was more nervous with this meditation than last Wednesday when I had some 5 more people all with higher expectations and experience.

I found my meditation taking longer than expected as I perceived that Virginia, Eric and myself were having difficulty turning the course of the meditation. You see when I lead a meditation I pay attention to the reactions of people and try to readjust to better meet their needs. And so because I was having difficulty leading I had to drop out parts of the meditation.

I was somewhat prepared to get some disappointing feedback.  But when I was finished I got positive feedback from both Eric and Virginia. I felt dissappointed with my meditation but everyone else was happy with the way things were.  I thought the last half of my meditation was a bit confusing.  I also thought that the first half of my meditation floundered a bit.  But somehow they liked it.  Maybe it was my voice.  Oh well, but this was definitely a confidence builder.  I really appreciate he support I got from Virginia who has at times been my toughest critic.

Anyway I was bothered with my Fear meditation and started to think of things I would do differently.  Then I went back to my book “Spirituality for Real” and looked up the section on the Fear Meditation.  And when I read it, I realized what I was missing, and I realized where I lead my meditation in an awkward direction.  What I had read made so much more sense.  As I was reading it more I thought to myself that “Wow now this is good!”  I can’t figure out why I didn’t make myself read my own writing, to read the meditation I had created.  I guess I was so nervous that I couldn’t manage to read one minute’s worth of text and get my meditation right from the start.  Oh well.

Now if I ever decide to lead a Fear meditation again, I’ll have it right and it’s now fresh in my memory.

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