So I had a brief experience while I was in the middle of exercising on an elliptical machine in the middle of a gym. I was feeling kind of worn out, like someone whose been thru so much battle, sleep deprivation, terror, hardship. I was slugging it out on a machine somewhat willing myself to continue with a routine to keep up my cardio-vascular wellness and try to possibly lose more weight for better health, but I was also trying my best to be kind to myself,
The gym plays music loudly over the loudspeakers and the beat is bumping along. First I push along with the combination of handles and my feet. Then I take my hand off the moving handles of the elliptical machine. I somewhat subtilely wave my hands just a bit to the beat of the music, and I sort of almost slightly dance. There’s an older man to my left on his elliptical machine moving at a much more frail pace and now I’m energized. My elbow is feeling a bit week and sore. My right knee feels a bit week yet I’m almost bopping to the beat.
And … I see myself …
and I take my breath away.
I see a joyful beautiful female energy but with grand depth of masculine. Possibly like a joyful and strong Joan of Arch architype.
Wow. Such a fighter. But such an optimistic fighter. Keeps coming back despite so so so so so so so so much hardship, terror, and exhaustion. This tour de force of angelic brilliant optimistic steadfast beauty is a light so much more brilliant than even my so dear passed dog Muffin. I mean Muffin was an energetic dynamo of positivity so that I had always saw her as the one who was picking me up from depression. But for these few minutes on an elliptical machine I could see this brilliant powerful and grand light source was thousands of times stronger than that of Muffin’s. Wow! And I could then imagine that Muffin was so attracted to this light and she couldn’t help but get all excited and crave and lick and lick with her butterfly kisses endlessly. Could it be it was my light that was actually picking her up?!
This brilliant light beyond what I could have ever imagined … was me! It was coming out of my heart. And I don’t know really if I can describe how powerful this light was. It’s not that it was the most intense physical light your eyes may see … although I guess it was quite bright. It’s more if you let your heart feel just a bit you could sense the integrity, the depth, the truth, the experience of so many ages. This light had the solidity of having gone thru the journey of much tremendous hardship but had always kept coming back and to still yet come out bopping to music even while in the middle of a depressing bog. I am chugging away on what could be a boring elliptical machine, and I’m listening often repeated recorded music. Despite a stressful work week filled with exhausting challenges and despite the initial desire to sleep-in more rather than exercise, I manage to bop to the beat, bring some fun into it.
I could start to see the possibility of how there are so many others that when they encounter me see something special. They see something way more special about me then I have been able to see.
I see that positive force of grandeur and beautiful person that I might have always wished I could have gotten a chance to hang out with. But I’m not hanging out with that person. I am that person! And furthermore I am much more grand than I could have imagined that person could be.
And I could believe I could see that in all others. But for this time the Sun within me is so big, grand and bright. Come join me and bop away to the music. Left, Right, Left, Right. One Two, One Two, One Two. Life can be very hard, terrifying and uncomfortable but still can you dare find space to have fun and Dance Dance Dance!
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