I want you all to understand when I lead a meditation it is very much about being genuinely and authentically me but also addressing the idea of satisfying whoever I lead.  So if I lead a Self Love Meditation, it’s because I’ve found that I definitely need lots of self love, and what comes forth when I lead is that all my senses are all involved in all the insecurities and desires within me that justify the fact that I need love.  So then I want to convey that experience over to whoever I lead.  I also want to be as convinced as much as possible that they get that same experience.  And when I sense they are not quite there I adjust what comes out from my mouth.  When I lead a meditation I do not want to “cop out” and just run thru a simple script of:

step 1) Ring chime.  And have everyone take slow deep breath in and slow deep breath out.

step 2) Wait a long time

step 3) Mention words like “bring your attention back to the breath” and “just notice how you feel”. Then go back to step 2.  Keep going in this circle until 30 minute have expired.

step 4) chime. Phew your done.

Because then meditation falls into this blase category of an activity to merely relax muscles so that you can cope with your “true purpose” in life which is to make money during the day in order to support your self esteem, pay for sustenance, achieve as many things and buy as many things as you can before you die. And when meditation is in this blase category it’s an activity that you do only when you are feeling better and strong enough to do it.

I believe in an authentic intent in a meditation so that it falls in the category of something you do when you are feeling bad and weak and need strength.  When it’s authentic and well practiced then when tough times hit the meditation can be employed on the spot, inside of your head, silently and experienced throughout your body in seconds or kept on and off over the course of your entire day acting like an affirmation reassuring you that all really really is OK even when all is really really in flux and seemly coming apart.

So on Wednesday I lead another meditation. This one was focused on Fear.  It was a particularly interesting one to lead because the purpose of the meditation was in a way to diffuse fear and I had been nervous about leading this meditation.  So the plus side was the more nervous I got, the more personal fear I had to address to provide fuel and content to lead my mediation.  So in many ways this meditation was about constantly seeking ways to address whatever fear I had in the present moment.  Oddly if I had absolutely no fear then my meditation on fear would sort of been listless with no purpose and effectiveness.  But I did have plenty of fear so as I was preparing to lead the meditation I would run thru various exercises inside of myself and feel out which exercise addressed all the fears, anxieties and tenseness that coursed thru my body at various times.  And so at times I found myself spontaneous chanting unintelligibly some Native American sounding chant along with a Buffalo drum to clear the air of nervous mental chatter.

And so from all these exercises came forth this meditation.  I present to you this Fear Meditation.  You can listen or download it from here.

[soundcloud url=”https://soundcloud.com/wakundama/fear-meditation”]

My general sense of the outcome and feedback from the meditation was that it wasn’t the same as my Self Love Meditation.  I was kind of concerned about the fact that people wouldn’t like this meditation as much.  However, I had to face the reality that this was a meditation that involved focusing on fear and it’s more desireable to be hugged and loved in a Self Love Meditation rather than be challenged to face fears in a Fear Meditation.  The energy in the room was also not quite as warm as it was when I lead the Self Love Meditation.  Some old faces were not there and were missed.  And there were some new faces.  The energy was more heavily male than female as well.

But in the end I still got quite positive feedback.  Now I’m a bit less sure of what’s next.  I know that I will be leading another mediation on March 6th.  I don’t know what though.  Should I lead the tried and true Self Love Meditation or try and listen to what the next Meditation should be.

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