From the Barbara Brennan school there is a method of being that you come to learn in 4th year of schooling. It is based upon what in the school is called “holding Hara”. It is very much based upon “Zhan Zhuang” which is a martial art exercise of simply standing like a tree for extended periods of time. In Zhan Zhuang we only work with a grounding of the Tan Tien point, in the Brennan school this Zhan Zhuang concept is extended to include a soul seat and ID point. In the 4th year it becomes the foundation for an advanced state of being exercise known as “core star expansion” and finally concludes with a human existence integration exercise of coming back into the human body and humble ordinary every day existence.

When I do this exercise I come out with a sense of amazement and wonderment with everyday simple things like merely the fact that my fingers move and can feel movement when I move them. I feel like I belong wherever I am and don’t have to prove myself, no more than I have to prove myself worthy to my bed to sleep when I’m tired. I just do. I can take it for granted I can sleep when I’m sleepy. And when I’m there I’m often one with you and one with all.

Lately, I’ve started to combine this with an embracing with my “Chinese-ness”. I started wearing more “traditional” chinese clothing while doing the “Hara”, “Core Star Expansion” and “Human state re-integration” exercises. To my surprise for some reason it’s like the clothing, especially the fancy silk like oriental clothing, that seems to support me the most in doing these exercises.

These are clothing that if I wore them out in public would most loudly say I am Chinese. Yes indeed I’m an the “Hong Chow … Ching Chong … Fresh off the Boat … Chop Suey .. Chunk King … Chink ” Chinese person that many of you made fun of for so many years of when I was young. I dare say that it seemed millions and millions of you made fun of me including myself … to the point I as so ashamed of looking Chinese. And the past couple months I’ve embraced a pride in looking Chinese.

I mean there is an adoration within Hollywood movies with things martial arts and oriental. Remember the movie “the Matrix” — wearing a Chinese character or Chinese outfit looks so cool. Lots of non-Chinese people who do this feel more cool wearing something that’s Chinese. But what’s more cool than wearing something Chinese is actually looking Chinese wearing something that looks Chinese.

That’s been me … yet there are times a lot of me would crawl into a corner and curl up and die in shame if seen in public wearing something Chinese looking. So for me wearing Chinese clothing is very powerful when I do my Zhan Zhuang, my Hara, my Core Star Expansion, and my integration of the human states of being.

One thing to note about Zhan Zhaung is that it can become quite physically challenging. In Zhan Zhaung you bend your knees and they stay there for a long time. Imagine sitting on a tall chair. Imagine having that chair removed but you must still remain seated on air. Then stay there for 10 minutes, 15 minutes and feel your legs fatigue and tremble. Then stay there longer and longer and feel your body heating up and sweating. When I have worn my silk outfits (the ones I’d most be embarrassed to be seen in public wearing) I often don’t feel any fatigue. If feels like I could sit on air forever and relax sitting on air.

As I did my core star expansion I started to feel my expansion thru all the galaxies in the universe expanding their cores. I felt that all galaxies were like all the atoms in the field of grass before me as I was standing. I felt one with all macroscopic things that the infinitesimal me is part of and I could feel al the microscopic things that are infinitesimally smaller than me expanding core in front of me. Macroscope and microscopic were one and the same.

And then I felt I was God. And it was nothing special, just ordinary and maybe a bit wierd. I realize that when I come to feel one with all in the universe, that the universe is kind and supporting me and actually just one and aligned with me. When I’m in that state I am God. And when I’m not I separate and I am just an ego I fall out and become separate from God and separate from all of you and then must compete and prove myself.

And as I was going in and out of alignment with oneness … I could feel physical fatigue coming in and out … I could feel fear and terror of every day life come in and out.

As God I could say “Welcome fear, welcome fatigue, welcome terror. You are welcome because you exist” And the only way for you to come into healing is for me to welcome you and for you to come forth to express. And once you are healed you are one with me and we are together God once again. And I am God again.

And truly actually to better drop the “Ego” state of “I am God” then the words of “I am God” just become “I am.”

“I just am.” I am ordinary. Just being I am is ordinary. There is nothing to do, to show or prove. I know I am loved and supported by all. And so once again there is no fear only humility and deep joyful gratitude and amazement and being in awe of being and feeling and experiencing.