So this Christmas day was a mixed one.

I got to feel just a little sense of that childhood homeiness with dinner at my brothers place. I really appreciate home cooked meals over going out and meeting at a restaurant. This was the up part of Christmas.

The down part was all the stress around gift giving and it ultimately ended up on me doing a moderate overdose of pain killers and hard liquor.

I think its true that each Christmas I get a better realization of what Christmas is about. I mean many people complain about the materialism behind Christmas. We probably have all heard that the Holiday period from Thanksgiving thru New Years this is the time where people are most likely to be depressed and suicidal. So my first inkling is to be a proponent of doing away with the materialistic aspect of Christmas. Maybe boycott Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and New Years Eve by doing everything that can be done to make them ordinary work days just like any other day. It seems the Holidays has a lot of superficiality about them. However, if I back away a bit I wonder that there must be some spiritual purpose for the existence of Christmas in its secular form. By secular I mean the Christmas thats about Santa Clause and is joyfully celebrated by atheists, and many non Christians around world. Historically, what is the deep spiritual purpose of all this festivity that has to occur during winter time. What my sense is, is that this is sort of an end-of-year survey of who we each are. If throughout the year we are superficial then it really gets exposed during the Holidays. I mean the idea of being generous is noble, but why restrict it to only Christmas and forget about it the other 300 plus days? So maybe the path to having a joyous Holiday season is NOT about putting the planning into mid-November thru the end of the year, but rather committing to sharing and giving from January thru October.

In other words I guess the Winter Holiday season is about reaping the harvest of what you have sewn throughout the entire year. If you have sewn your life in loneliness, isolation, fear, bitterness, superficiality, then the closing season of the year will be one more of suffering.

So for me things got tough and I hurt myself with my act of overdosing. But I raise this act up here in this blog because I think it does have a connection to the Source. There is within all of us a inner part, some may call this an inner child, that needs to be loved and heard. When this inner part is ignored you start off a lacking and longing, that if further ignored turns into hurt, then anger, and then acts of bitterness against others or yourself. If you continue to ignore bitterness turns into rage leading to violence to others or yourself because that inner part really needs to be heard and attended to. That inner part, that inner child and the Source are very much connected at the waist.

Loving that inner child is like loving the Source. Its an act of nourishment and priming the Source to glow within your heart. So what Ive seen with this act of overdosing is a message gone to long unnoticed of the increased urgency for me to attend to my inner child and in so attend to the Source.

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