GlowingHeartSo I woke up in the middle of the night and had a sensation unlike any other.  I felt my Mother in me.  And I’m not saying a memory of my Mom, or the sense of my Mom inside of my heart.  It was more like the DNA in my cells were in resonance with the knowing of the common DNA in my Mother who had passed away over 10 years ago.  It was also like the higher self aspect of my Mother was surrounding my body as I laid in bed, coddling me as I regressed back to a 5 year old getting younger.  I could hear the breath, thoughts and talk of my Mom back to me but also to herself as if I was also herself as if I were also her.  And the sense and words were something like:

“Wilson Everything is OK.  Yes things are not quite what we/I had originally expected 20 years ago, but it is OK.  I’m OK with how things are.  I am with you.  In fact I am you.  I am still alive because you are still alive.  You are not alone.  We are one.  You will be OK.  And you know you are OK.  And you know that what you say is true, what I say is true and what we say is true.”

I can remember times that I missed my Mother, but with this sensation I didn’t miss her because I really felt in a way I was her.  My fears, and insecurities belonged to her and live thru me and over the past few years of my life have been getting healed and transformed thru me, thru my body.  My hands feel like her hands, like as if she were a spirit just now awakening in a new body feeling skin for the first time since she passed away many years ago.  But it’s NOT like another spirit within me, because that sensation would be more icky and invasive like a possession.  Here it was more of a new found deep becoming of the fact that she is factually part of me largely by virtue of our common DNA.

But just the same this sensation was also not mere intellectual justification that common DNA breaths the life of ancestral past into the present now.  It is rather a mind blowing experience but at the same time also not amazing and even ordinary knowing/believing that my Mom still lives.  She permeates my cells, my thoughts or rather she is my cells and my thoughts and my cells and thoughts were also once hers.  So in the end I don’t miss my Mom, because there is nothing to be missed.  I miss her no more than I miss having my skin.  My skin is always there with me, and I can never misplace or lose my skin, because my skin is me.  And so it is also with this sense of Mom.

I don’t know if tomorrow and days to follow I will have this sense and knowing, but I record it now in this blog entry so that if I look back I can know that at least once in time this was so.

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